If there’s one thing I’ve learned from my dating experiences, it’s that being single isn’t a curse—it’s an opportunity. After exploring dating tips for women over 40 in my previous blog, I found myself reflecting on how valuable this time has been for rediscovering myself. In a world that often tells us we need a partner to be whole, I’m here to remind you that embracing singlehood is a time to nurture your own magic, heal, and thrive in ways that only solitude can offer.
Being in my 40s is probably one of the reasons why I stayed in my situationship for so long. There’s a certain pressure that comes with age—the feeling that you should have something or someone. That fear of having nothing often keeps us holding on to relationships that don’t serve us. I convinced myself that something was better than nothing. However, I’ve learned that holding onto what doesn’t fulfill you only blocks your blessings. Letting go of that situationship? It was like shedding a pair of uncomfortable shoes—suddenly, I was walking into my single season with more comfort, growth, and, let’s be real, way less blisters!
Embracing Singlehood: Learning to Be Alone—Not Lonely
When I first entered my 40s, I thought my life should look a certain way. I felt pressured by societal expectations to be settled down or, at the very least, in a committed relationship. However, over time, I learned that being single didn’t mean I was incomplete. Instead, it meant I had more time to dedicate to rediscovering myself.
There’s a difference between being alone and being lonely. Alone time has allowed me to reconnect with parts of myself I had neglected for years. Whether it was the creative spirit who loved to write or the adventurer who missed the thrill of roller coasters, I finally gave myself permission to explore those passions without guilt.
Statistics also show that more and more people are experiencing the benefits of embracing singlehood. According to a 2021 Pew Research study, 31% of adults in the U.S. are single and not actively seeking a partner. This highlights a shift in societal norms, where singlehood is becoming increasingly accepted and even embraced as a fulfilling choice. Women, in particular, are increasingly focusing on personal growth and careers rather than adhering to the traditional expectations of marriage or partnerships by a certain age.
Healing From Past Wounds
During this single season, I’ve had the space to really dig deep into my past relationships. I confronted old wounds, patterns of people-pleasing, and insecurities from unfaithful relationships. Let’s face it—we’ve all been hurt. But being single has provided me with the opportunity to heal on my own terms. Healing has also involved setting boundaries and acknowledging the impact of family trauma—something I wrote about in Conquering Family Trauma After 40: Boundaries for Healing and Growth.
Through therapy, journaling (which my therapist suggested—read more on journal therapy), and self-reflection, I’ve worked to release baggage I didn’t even know I was carrying. To learn more about journal therapy and its benefits for healing and self-growth, visit The Center for Journal Therapy. No longer bound by others’ expectations, I’ve learned to forgive myself for mistakes I made in love and extend grace to the younger me, who was just trying to figure it all out.
What I Learned From My Therapist About Dating
One of the most transformative lessons I’ve learned from my therapist? Dating doesn’t determine your worth—thankfully, or my love life would’ve bankrupted me! For years, I felt like I needed to be in a relationship to feel validated or loved, but my therapist helped me realize that my value isn’t tied to my relationship status. It’s about knowing who I am and what I want before entering any new relationship.
She also reminded me that it’s okay to set boundaries in dating. Just because I’m exploring new relationships doesn’t mean I have to settle or compromise on my needs. In fact, setting boundaries is a sign of strength and self-respect—something that took me years to fully understand. My therapist always emphasized that dating should be about finding someone who complements the life I’ve already built, not completing it.
This shift in mindset has given me a new sense of freedom. I no longer feel the pressure to rush into relationships out of fear of being alone. Instead, I focus on enjoying the journey of dating while staying grounded in who I am.
Embracing Singlehood: Falling in Love With Me
One of the biggest lessons I’ve learned is that the most important relationship I’ll ever have is the one I have with myself. Singlehood has been my time to fall in love with Quincy. Yes, I still dream of finding someone who complements my fly, but that doesn’t mean I have to wait to experience love. I’m already living in it.
I’ve embraced my body, booty dimples, bloated stomach, and all. I’m learning to dress for confidence and celebrate who I am in the present while working on who I want to become. I treat myself to solo dates, home spa days, and Netflix nights. Who needs a partner to pick the movie when you’ve already got excellent taste and all the snacks to yourself? It’s in the quiet moments that I’ve rediscovered just how magical I am.
Check out how I’m embracing my new body while working on my health journey!
Growing in Confidence
Singlehood has helped me reclaim my power. The journey hasn’t been without its moments of doubt (trust me, they come), but each time I feel myself slipping into old habits of self-doubt, I remind myself how far I’ve come. Focusing on holistic healing and mental wellness, as I’ve shared in Holistic Healing After 40: Easy Steps for Mental Wellness and Self-Care, has played a big part in growing my confidence.
In the process, I’ve also built stronger connections with my inner circle. Rediscovering myself has also allowed me to redefine my relationships with others. I no longer feel the need to please everyone, and that freedom has been empowering.
Societal Expectations and Redefining Singlehood
For women over 40, societal pressures can feel even heavier. We’ve grown up with the idea that we should be married by a certain age, have children, and live a life that fits a mold. But here’s the truth: societal norms don’t define us.
Research from the Journal of Marriage and Family suggests that the perception of marriage as a social and economic necessity is slowly fading. Women, especially those over 40, are breaking away from these traditional ideals. We’re redefining singlehood as a time for personal exploration and emotional independence. We no longer need a relationship to feel complete, and the societal belief that single women are missing out on life is becoming outdated.
Embracing singlehood means choosing ourselves first. It means building a life filled with joy, adventure, and confidence without the pressure of external expectations.
The Journey Continues
So, here I am, still single and still growing. Rediscovering my magic in this season has been nothing short of transformative. I now understand that singlehood is not about waiting for the “right one” but about becoming the best version of myself in the meantime. I’m open to love, but I’m no longer dependent on it for my happiness. My joy is mine, my peace is mine, and my magic is mine.
Reflective Question:
How have your experiences with singlehood helped you grow or heal? What lessons have you learned about yourself along the way?
Resources for Single Women Over 40:
- Happy Black Women – for wellness, mental health, and empowerment.
- Fine Fit Sisters – for health and fitness.
- The Self-Love Fix – for building self-love and confidence.
- MindBodyGreen – for mental wellness, confidence-building tips, and holistic healing.
- Tiny Buddha Relationships – for advice on relationships, healing, and emotional growth.
