When the Strong Break: My Journey to Understanding Anxiety

Seven months. That’s how long it had been since my son and I last spoke. As a mother, that kind of silence can kill your spirit, especially when you’re used to being the anchor in your child’s life. But I thought I was doing the right thing—giving him space to figure out his feelings about us. After all, every book, every article, and every well-meaning piece of advice I received told me that giving your children space was part of helping them grow. But what do you do when that space starts to feel like a void? When your mind starts racing with all the “what ifs,” and the weight of uncertainty presses down on you like a heavy blanket? That’s exactly when I began to notice my anxiety attack symptoms creeping in.

My life was spiraling in ways I couldn’t fully understand. Everything I had tried so hard to keep together was suddenly falling apart, and I was just trying to catch the pieces before they shattered completely.

The Weight of Work

I was a relatively new employee, working in the construction industry—a field known for its stress. Now, imagine walking into a job where your colleague has been there for 11 years and makes it clear from day one that she doesn’t want you there. Every single day, she would remind me, in one way or another, that I was an outsider. Whether it was refusing to share responsibilities or throwing subtle jabs about my competence, it was clear—she didn’t want me there, and she wasn’t going to make my life easy.

For a Black woman in the workplace, this kind of tension isn’t new. We’re often expected to prove ourselves over and over again, even when our qualifications speak for themselves. But the stress of constantly having to watch your back, on top of trying to perform at your best, was exhausting. Every morning, I’d have to psych myself up just to walk into that office. I’d tell myself, “Quincy, you’ve been through tougher things than this. You can handle it.” But the truth was, I was tired—mentally, emotionally, and physically tired. The combination of workplace stress and family obligations made my anxiety attack symptoms more frequent and intense

The Pressure of Family Obligations

At the same time, I was juggling more than just work stress. I was a bridesmaid in a wedding, which sounds like a fun distraction. But anyone who’s been in a wedding knows that being a bridesmaid is practically a part-time job—one that comes with its own set of pressures. There were dress fittings, bridal showers, bachelorette parties, and, of course, the emotional support that the bride often leans on you for. It was a lot.

But that wasn’t even the half of it.

My youngest niece, who had just graduated high school, was living with me. She was 18, dealing with her own emotional traumas—an absent but emotionally abusive father (who, incidentally, is my brother). I had basically become a second mother to my nieces, stepping in where their parents couldn’t.

For my niece, leaving her mother’s house, living with a friend in Texas, and then moving in with me was a lot of transition in a short amount of time. She was struggling to find a job, which meant I was bearing the brunt of the financial obligations. I wanted to be there for her, but it was becoming increasingly difficult to keep up with everything—work, home, and now, the added pressure of helping her navigate her next steps in life.

Relationship Drama and Its Emotional Toll

And then, there was the relationship drama. I had been off and on with someone for five years. Five years of ups and downs, breakups and makeups, until finally, I had enough. This time, I was serious about the breakup. I cut off all communication, blocked everything I could, and tried to move on. But let’s be real—cutting ties with someone you’ve been with for that long isn’t easy. The emotional toll of that decision weighed heavily on me, and I was feeling the effects in more ways than one.

To top it all off, I was trying to support a friend who had just lost her best friend and grandmother. Her daughter was attending summer school near my home, so they were practically living with me. My house, which had once been a sanctuary, was now filled with people, noise, and emotions that I was struggling to manage.

The Body Keeps the Score

Then, my body started to betray me.

At first, it was little things—tingling and numbness in my hands that would come and go. I brushed it off, thinking maybe I had just slept on them wrong. But then the tingling spread. It wasn’t just my hands anymore—it was my arms, my legs, even my face. My body felt like it was swelling, and I couldn’t stand anything tight around my stomach. I had to start wearing looser clothes, dresses that didn’t cling to my body. The discomfort was constant, and I couldn’t figure out what was wrong. My body was manifesting what I later recognized as anxiety attack symptoms—from tingling sensations to swelling feelings.

My stomach was a mess. Horrible acid reflux became a daily battle, and it didn’t matter what I ate or drank—nothing seemed to help. The fatigue was overwhelming. Just carrying my laptop bag felt like I was lugging around a bag of bricks. My appetite disappeared, and I started losing weight at an alarming rate. I couldn’t eat, I couldn’t sleep, and I couldn’t figure out what was happening to me.

The Realization: Anxiety Attack Symptoms

Then came the intrusive thoughts. I developed insomnia because I was terrified to fall asleep. I feared that if I did, I wouldn’t wake up. My mind was racing, and the more I tried to calm myself down, the worse it got. I started going to the emergency room regularly, seeing specialists, undergoing tests—blood work, MRIs, you name it. But no one could figure out what was wrong.

I was told I might have anxiety, but I couldn’t wrap my mind around that. What does anxiety have to do with what my body was going through? Anxiety is just in your head, right? But what I was feeling—this was real, physical pain and discomfort. It wasn’t just in my head. So, I kept scheduling appointments, still going untreated. For more on managing anxiety, you might want to check out my post on managing anxiety.

The Breaking Point: My First Panic Attack

Then it happened. The panic attack. It struck three times over two days, waking me up from my sleep. It felt like an allergic reaction—except every test I had done showed no allergies. I had a massive lump in my throat and felt like I couldn’t breathe, even though I could. My mind just couldn’t process it. During my first panic attack, the anxiety attack symptoms I experienced were unlike anything I had ever felt before

In a panic, I tried to drive myself to Northwestern, where I had been going for months, trying to figure out what was wrong with me. I knew if I called an ambulance, it would take me there. But I couldn’t make it. I pulled over at the nearest exit and called for help. The paramedics arrived, and that’s when I learned I had experienced a panic attack. If you want to know more about panic attack symptoms, the Mayo Clinic offers some great resources.

The Lesson: Understanding Anxiety in Black Women

Looking back, it’s clear that I didn’t understand what anxiety really was. For many of us, especially in the Black community, anxiety is something that’s often overlooked or misunderstood. We’re taught to be strong, to push through, to handle our business without complaint. But the truth is, anxiety is real, and it can manifest in ways that are both mental and physical. To learn more about understanding anxiety, check out this comprehensive guide from the American Psychological Association.

Anxiety doesn’t always look like worry or fear. Sometimes, it looks like numbness, tingling, acid reflux, or insomnia. It can show up as a lump in your throat or a feeling that your body is swelling. It can make you feel like you’re losing control, even when you’re doing everything in your power to keep it together.

For Black women, especially those of us over 40 who are going through major life transitions, it’s important to recognize the signs of anxiety and to seek help when we need it. Whether it’s the stress of being an empty nester, dealing with work pressures, or navigating the complexities of family relationships, anxiety can creep in and take hold if we’re not careful. You can read more about the signs of anxiety here. Many Black women may not immediately recognize their anxiety attack symptoms because they can manifest in various physical and emotional ways.

The Path to Healing and Recovery

The first step in my healing journey was recognizing that I needed help. It wasn’t easy. Admitting that I couldn’t handle everything on my own felt like a failure at first. But the truth is, seeking help is one of the strongest things you can do. If you’re interested in the benefits of therapy for anxiety, BetterHelp has some valuable insights.

Therapy became my lifeline. It gave me a safe space to unpack everything I was holding inside—the guilt, the fear, the stress. I started to understand that anxiety wasn’t something to be ashamed of. It was my body’s way of telling me that something needed to change.

Through therapy, I learned coping strategies that helped me manage my anxiety. I had to set boundaries—at work, in my relationships, and even with myself. I started to prioritize self-care, not just as a buzzword, but as a necessity. Then, began journaling, meditating, and finding small moments of peace in my day-to-day life. For additional holistic approaches to mental wellness, explore my post on holistic healing practices.

I also started to reconnect with the things that brought me joy—writing, exploring new interests, and even just taking time to breathe and be present in the moment. It wasn’t an overnight transformation, but with each step, I started to feel more like myself again.

Moving Forward: Embrace Your Anxiety

As Black women, we often carry the weight of the world on our shoulders. We’re the caretakers, the nurturers, the ones who are expected to keep everything together. But it’s important to remember that we can’t pour from an empty cup. Taking care of ourselves is just as important as taking care of others.

If you’re reading this and you’re going through a similar experience, know that you’re not alone. Recognizing and addressing anxiety attack symptoms early is crucial for mental and physical well-being. Anxiety is real, but it’s also manageable. Seek help, talk to someone, and don’t be afraid to prioritize your mental and emotional well-being. You deserve to feel whole, to feel at peace, and to live a life that’s not just about survival, but about thriving.

Life in your 40s can be a beautiful time of rediscovery and growth. It’s a time to embrace who you are, to let go of what no longer serves you, and to step into the next chapter with confidence and grace. And remember, you don’t have to do it alone. There’s a whole community of women out there who understand what you’re going through and who are here to support you every step of the way. For more on starting a self-rediscovery journey, check out my welcome post.

Let’s chat in the Facebook group about your experiences with anxiety. Have you or someone you know gone through something similar? Share your story, and let’s support each other on this journey to healing and self-care.